Small-Town Dad Page 12

  Her anger surged. How could he even think that? “I tried your way, prayer, and as usual got nothing for my effort.”

  “Not my way. His way,” Neal corrected her.

  His superiority fueled her anger. “Well, I couldn’t leave Margaret hanging. I had to do something.”

  He stared at her, stone-faced.

  Her better judgment told her she should stop, but she couldn’t stand him thinking her selfish and uncaring. “Sometimes you do have to think about yourself. Look at where you might be now if you’d done some thinking about your future back in high school. Left Autumn with your parents or her mother’s parents and gone to RPI. Wouldn’t that have been better in the long run?”

  He blanched. “You don’t know me at all if you think that’s a choice I would make.”

  His response brooked no further argument. How had she let the conversation get so out of hand? She never let her anger get the best of her, was almost always open to opposing views, even when she was right.

  Neal pushed away from the counter.

  Anne let go of the mug handle and rested her hand on the table edge. “I’m sorry. I was presumptuous to think I know what would have been best for you.”

  “Yes. You were. I’m going to go see about a rental car.” He strode from the room before she could get another word out.

  Anne collapsed in the closest chair, the one Neal had been sitting in earlier. His residual warmth on the seat chilled her. Her decision about Ian had to be the right one. It had come to her after she’d prayed. Wasn’t that the way it worked? And if she were following God’s plan, things would work out with her and Neal and their friendship. What if they didn’t? Did that mean they weren’t meant to be friends for some good reason? She laid her head on her forearms on the table. She’d tried so hard. Why couldn’t she hear His word?

  * * *

  Anne was a real piece of work. Neal threw his belongings in his athletic bag, and listened for the honk of the taxi he’d called to take him to the car rental place. Fortunately, the taxi service had said they could have a car here in fifteen minutes. Any more contact with Anne today and he’d totally lose his temper.

  She’d been right yesterday at the pond when she’d said he couldn’t understand. He couldn’t. How could she turn her back on Ian? Sure, Margaret loved him. But obviously, she wasn’t well, and she’d said she agreed with Reenie and Rob’s choice of Anne. Anne’s decision had Neal wondering how closely Reenie had stayed in contact with her since college. Anne had said Reenie and Rob had moved back to the Boston area not too long ago. Reenie might not have known Anne as she was now, the consummate businessperson, and based her choice on the younger, softer Anne she’d known in college, the girl he’d known in high school.

  And where was Anne coming from, criticizing his life choices? He’d only been seventeen when Autumn was born, but he’d accepted his responsibilities. Anne was what, thirty-three, thirty-four, and her idea of accepting her responsibilities was to throw money at them? Neal ripped the zipper to the bag shut. He knew he was being unfair. She might have her reasons for her decision, good reasons, although he couldn’t think what those reasons might be. And it wasn’t like he hadn’t thought of what his life might have been if he’d gone to college right out of high school.

  The taxi’s horn blasted outside. He took the stairs to the main floor two at a time, slowing his pace when he hit the last stair. He should tell Anne he was leaving. Leaving his bag by the front door, he went to the kitchen but she wasn’t there. He didn’t have time to go in search of her. Besides, the frame of mind he was in, it was probably best they didn’t talk for a while.

  * * *

  Anne watched from the upstairs window as the taxi drove away, telling herself she was right. She was doing what was best for Ian now. It didn’t mean she and Margaret couldn’t change the arrangement later. Dropping the curtain, she surveyed the room. Might as well straighten up and make the bed to pass the time waiting for Margaret to return.

  As she pulled the bedspread over the pillows, Anne heard a car approach the house. Her pulse quickened. Had Neal changed his mind? She hurried back to the window. No. It was Margaret and Maria. Anne finished making the bed and went downstairs.

  “Hi,” Margaret greeted her. “Did Ian go to his story hour at the library? He loves being with the other kids.”

  Margaret’s words bolstered Anne’s tenuous conviction that Ian should stay here with his familiar routines. “Yes, he did. He was a little reluctant, but Jessica told him they were going to use Play-Doh, and he all but dragged her from the house.”

  Margaret laughed. “He does like his Play-Doh. You should check and see if your local library has story hour for preschoolers. I think most of them do.”

  Anne had no idea if the Schroon Lake Public Library had preschool programs. She hadn’t even been there since she’d moved to Paradox Lake. The college library had everything she needed. Not that it mattered if Ian was going to stay here with Margaret. Make that since he was going to stay.

  Anne pushed her hair behind her ears. “We need to talk.”

  “Yes, we do. I’ve written down a few things for you about Ian.”

  Anne swallowed.

  “The list is in the living room.” Margaret led Anne down the hall to a well-appointed but homey room. “Here it is.” She picked up a small notebook from a mission-style end table and flipped it open. “Sit, please.” She motioned to the side chair across from her. “I’m getting a crick in my neck from looking up at you.”

  Anne perched on the edge of the chair. Margaret’s smile told her she was kidding, but that didn’t make broaching her plan for Ian any easier. “I’ve made an important decision. I think Ian should stay here with you.”

  Margaret’s smile faded. “I can’t take care of an active toddler.” She patted the armrest of her wheelchair.

  “Please hear me out.” Anne reached over the space between them and put her hand over the older woman’s. It was cool to her touch. “I’ll hire a nanny, anything you need to help you.”

  Margaret pursed her lips.

  “That didn’t come out right.” Anne shook her head. She didn’t want Margaret to think she didn’t want Ian like Neal had said. “Ian’s life has been so disrupted. I don’t want to disrupt it more. Everything that’s familiar to him is here.”

  Margaret squeezed her hand. “I know. Don’t you think I’ve thought of that, too? And about hiring a nanny?”

  Anne’s heart lightened. Neal’s reaction had undermined her confidence in her decision.

  “But a nanny isn’t the same as a...” Margaret cleared her throat. “As a mother. I know. A nanny raised me. My parents divorced and my father had custody. A five-year-old didn’t fit well in my mother’s new life. I loved my nanny. She stayed with us as our housekeeper when I was older. But she wasn’t a mother.”

  “You’ll be here.” Anne wished her words hadn’t come out sounding so strident. Margaret would think she didn’t want Ian, like Neal thought.

  “For how long? No, don’t look at me like that, like you’re about to say some pat words about my being around for a long time. I may not be old, but I’m not well. I don’t have a lot of years ahead of me.”

  “I’m sorry,” Anne whispered.

  “It’s all right. The Lord and I have made our peace about my health and I treasure every day I have.”

  She’d known Margaret was ill, but not how ill. “All the more reason you should be able to spend as much time as you can with Ian.”

  “I plan to.”

  Anne stilled. Was Margaret thinking she would move back to the Boston area? She could at the end of the school year. There was a clause in her three-year contract that would allow her to break it for unforeseeable personal reasons.

  “I wouldn’t be able to move back here until the end of the school
year in May.” Staying here with Margaret until then should make things easier on Ian. And that’s what she wanted, what God wanted, wasn’t it? So, why did the whole idea of returning to Boston leave her feeling so defeated?

  “Oh, no, I didn’t mean for you to totally change your life for Ian.” She laughed. “Well, not any more than a child totally changes every parent’s life.”

  Anne’s spirits rose. “How? Are you thinking of moving to Paradox Lake?” That could work well for them all.

  “No. I was thinking more along the lines of spending holidays together. You have a break at Thanksgiving, right? And a long semester break over Christmas and New Year’s. And next summer I just might rent one of those cabins you were telling me Neal and his family have on their campground. A change of pace would be good for me and Maria.”

  Anne had trouble picturing Margaret in one of the Hazards’ rustic cabins. “You’re welcome to stay with me. I’m renting my grandmother’s old house. Planning to buy it, actually.”

  “See? I knew you’d be making a sacrifice to come back here.”

  “But you’ll be making a bigger sacrifice letting Ian come home with me. He’s your only grandson.”

  “Then let me be his grandmother.” The older woman’s voice shook. “I was the one who suggested that Reenie and Rob name you and not me as Ian’s guardian.”

  Warmth filled Anne that Margaret would think so highly of her. But she couldn’t help feeling the older woman’s confidence in her was misplaced. She didn’t know anything about raising a child.

  “What about Rob’s parents?” Reenie hadn’t talked about them much, but they’d certainly done a good job raising Rob.

  Margaret shook her head. “They’re nice enough people, but they don’t have the deep faith Reenie and Rob shared. The faith they want Ian to know. Rob came to Christ as a young adult, like you did.”

  Anne released Margaret’s hand and pushed back in the chair, resting her head against the back and staring at the ceiling. “I don’t think I can do it.”

  Margaret, Reenie. They were asking too much of her. They expected her to be a spiritual guide for Ian. How could she do that when she couldn’t even guide herself? Couldn’t decipher God’s words to her? She raised her head and caught Margaret’s frown.

  “You think I’m as horrible as Neal does.”

  “No, I don’t. You’re overwrought.”

  Margaret was right. What was happening to her? She’d spent years building a controlled professional demeanor that kept her feelings hidden until she wanted to share them. Neal had broken that barrier and, now, Margaret was seeing through the crack he’d opened.

  “But you frowned.”

  “Because I don’t know how to convince you that you’ll be fine. Everything will be fine in time.”

  “I was just thinking about Ian’s welfare. I weighed all the factors in a careful, balanced way and came up with what I thought was the best solution.”

  “Ian’s not a problem you can solve with a mathematical equation.”

  Margaret sounded just like Neal. Anne searched her face for signs of reprimand. Her expression was as gentle as her voice.

  “I know, but I needed an answer and I wasn’t getting one. I tackled it the only way I knew how.”

  “Patience and acceptance. You can’t push God’s will. Can you accept the blessing He’s given you?”

  “But I don’t know how—”

  “No,” Margaret interrupted. “That doesn’t have anything to do with it. Can you accept that Ian is a blessing?”

  “Of course. He’s a sweet little boy. Anyone would love him.”

  “Okay. Then accept your blessing. And if you have qualms about how you’re going to care for him and raise him, know that all parents do.”

  “Neal said that, too.”

  “I’m not surprised. Would you like for me to pray with you for guidance in giving Ian the home Reenie and Rob wanted him to have?”

  Margaret made it seem so much simpler, like Reenie would have.

  “Yes, I’d like that. A lot.” She moved forward and took Margaret’s hand again.

  “Lord, please help Anne to find her way in undertaking this new path You are leading her on. I know You will watch over her and guide her to make the right decisions to give Ian the stable, happy home Reenie and Rob wanted him to have. And let me share in the joy of my new extended family. In Your name, amen.”

  Margaret raised her head. “Feel better?”

  “Yes, much.” Now, if only she could hang on to those words and use them to reassure herself.

  Margaret nodded. “That’s all you have to do. Relax, accept, don’t try so hard. That’s what I’ve done and it’s made such a difference in my life.”

  Anne shifted in the chair. Margaret had a heavier cross to bear.

  Margaret released her hand. “You probably want to go find Neal. I take it you told him what you told me and he didn’t agree with your decision.”

  “Yes. And I said things I shouldn’t have.” Some of the peace she’d gotten praying with Margaret faded. “But I can’t.”

  “Sure you can. Where is he? Outside walking off his anger? That’s what Reenie’s father used to do when we had a disagreement.”

  “No. He’s gone. He rented a car and is on his way back to Paradox Lake.”

  “I’m sorry. I’m sure he’ll call when he gets home and you’ll work things out. I can tell you and he have something special.”

  “We’ll see.” Anne didn’t want to disappoint the woman. Margaret probably had expectations that Neal might be a male influence in Ian’s future. But right now Anne didn’t see much chance of that. For now, the most she could hope for was salvaging their teacher-student relationship and getting through the rest of the semester.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Hi, Dad,” Autumn called as she climbed out of her car and crossed the yard. “Reporting for duty.”

  Neal handed her a rake, glad for her company to distract him from his thoughts. He certainly could have done the raking himself, but it was a job they had done together every fall since she was a little girl.

  “Guess who I saw at the grocery store this morning?”

  Anne was the first thought that popped into his mind. But she’d been imbedded there since he’d left Boston.

  “Who?”

  “Mrs. Donnelly and Mr. Stowe. They were doing their shopping together. I think they’re such a cute couple.” Autumn raked her leaves into the pile Neal had started. “He said that Dr. Howard isn’t back from Boston yet.”

  She stopped raking and looked at him.

  “Oh, yeah?” That was news to him, although he had walked by her office at the college a couple days after he’d gotten home and seen a notice on her door that her office hours for that day had been cancelled. She’d probably stayed to hire a nanny for Ian. He attacked the leaves in front of him with a vengeance.

  Autumn raised her eyebrows in the way she did when she thought she was on to something interesting. “Mr. Stowe had been keeping an eye on her house. He said he didn’t expect her back until after semester break is over week after next.”

  A whole week and a half away from work. Maybe the nanny search wasn’t as easy as Anne had expected. His rake hit a rock and the vibration of the impact reverberated up the handle. He pictured Anne at Margaret’s scooping up Ian and snuggling him to her shoulder. Warmth filled him. He was being as judgmental of Anne as he’d accused her of being of him.

  He shrugged. “The things she stayed to help Reenie’s mother with must be taking longer than she’d expected.” That’s what he’d told his folks when he’d showed up in the rental car. That Anne had to stay and help Margaret with some things. He hadn’t said anything about Ian. He didn’t think it was his place to, especially since Anne was leaving the
orphaned boy in Boston with Margaret. And he didn’t trust himself not to lose his temper telling them about Ian.

  “Oh. You’d said the other night when I called that you were working on your independent study course. So, I thought you’d talked with Dr. Howard.”

  Neal squatted and pulled the rock he’d hit from the ground and tossed it toward the gravel road that ran past the house to the camp lodge. “No. Gary Spear, the Green Spaces project manager for the birthing center, called me. He’d gotten my reports on potential solar energy contractors from Anne and wanted me to get more details on a couple of the companies.”

  “I see.”

  He wasn’t sure what she saw, but his gut told him it was more than he wanted her to see. What was it with the women in his family that they knew his mind—or thought they knew his mind—before he did? While he was having trouble forgiving Anne for abandoning Ian, a part of him had hoped she would have contacted him by now about school, if nothing else.

  “So what are you up to for the break?”

  “I’ve scheduled some more hours at the nursing home and I babysat for Jamie last night while she was at choir practice.”

  Had Jamie heard from Anne? Probably, but he wasn’t going to ask Autumn.

  “She’s having a party for Opal’s fifth birthday on Saturday and you’re invited.”

  “Jamie’s not having a kid’s party for her?”

  “She is, sort of. She told Opal she could invite anyone she wanted, figuring she’d want her friends from preschool, which she did. But she also wanted to invite you and me and Aunt Jinx and Drew and all of the counselors from last summer’s camp.”

  “Sounds like Opal. So Jamie is giving a party for hundreds?”

  “Not quite. Jamie convinced Opal that the counselors probably wouldn’t be able to come since most of them don’t live near here.”

  “What time is the party?”

  “Two. Do you want to go toy shopping together?”

  “Sure. That’s something we haven’t done in a while. As long as you don’t beg me to get you a toy, too.”